Coffee Date: 17 February 2018

17 February 2018 / Vanilla Cupcake Bakery, Trinoma Mall / Café Latte and Dulce de Leche

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Once, I believed people when they told me that it was just a phase — that the ink will eventually dry up for good. It has been four years since then, yet here I am, still spilling some ink. It may be too early to tell but I think they were wrong — it is not just a phase because whether they like it or not, writing is and will always be my life.

But it confuses me, too — why? Why is writing my life? Why do I need to write?

Some people write because they have great ideas that they cannot afford not to share with the world. I am not one of those people. I merely write about my petty day-to-day concerns. Not really life-changing thoughts, you know.

Some people write because they have so much love to share that love notes and verses come out naturally and effortlessly. I am not one of those people, too. I do not even know how to love myself properly. How could I then write about love that moves hearts?

You see, I have nothing much to share. I write for the sole purpose of ensuring my sanity. This is why writing is my life for it is, in fact, my lifeline.

Mine is a talkative mind. At any particular time, I have many tabs open which function actively, all at the same time. If I do not sit down and write my meandering thoughts, I have long gone mad.



Apologies and Updates

More than a month ago, I decided to join the A to Z Blogging Challenge. After successfully posting for A and B, I missed C due to overflowing teaching tasks until I forgot about the challenge completely.


Yes, you read it right — as embarrassing as it is, I admit that I was such a scatterbrain that I actually forgot about a challenge I joined after posting about it just a day before. For that, apologies are due.

With so much shame, I apologize to the organizers of the challenge. You worked hard and dedicated precious time so that bloggers can have an opportunity to further improve their writing and blogging skills. You do not deserve people like me who waste your time and efforts by failing to commit. Really, I am truly sorry.

I apologize, too, to the followers I gained because of the challenge. We were supposed to help one another but I just quit. You wasted time reading the posts of an obscure blogger who does not even bother to check on feedback. Again I am truly sorry.

But on a more positive note (which I probably do not deserve), I failed. Finally, I failed because finally, I tried.

My life is full of regrets. I regret not trying for the school paper. I regret not submitting for a newspaper column after working for months on a piece. I regret not trying to at least fight for my dream. I regret not trying to fight back every time I get catcalled. I regret not trying to protect myself from the people who verbally and emotionally abuse me. I never at least try.

All my life I never dared try for myself, all because I was afraid I would fail and people would tell me, We told you so. This time, though, I tried. I tried finally and I failed and I am proud of that failure. It means I am less afraid now.

I failed on this blogging challenge but I am now less hesitant to venture out of my comfort zone. Perhaps, though, I am not yet ready to commit to another blogging challenge (perhaps, next year?). Right now, it may be best to dedicate my efforts on my current reading challenge to make sure I, at least, accomplish one blogging goal this year. It has been months since my last post and I am currently working on posting about my third book. I am also working through my fourth book and has recently picked up two interesting titles from the book store.

I did not know failure can give one so much courage to try even more. If only I knew from the beginning I would not had been such a scaredy cat.

Here’s to failing! May it drive me to always try.


Big Bang: A to Z Challenge

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The wise claim
that God made the world
but the learned lecture
that the universe came in a bang.

I like to joke
(but I truly wish)
that God just had a party
and it was the bomb!

With a bang,
the idea came to him —
like a flash! —
and so he made the world.


Anthesis: A to Z Challenge

Fruits are
because flowers offer themselves —
when they open up (finally!) —
shy buds no more.

But what seduces the bud
to offer its insides,
safely in the dark,
to a world ever ready to crush?

Is it the wind,
whispering and teasing?

Is it the water,
that tickles with every trickle?

Perhaps, it is the light,
threatening the dark?

This fool knows nothing
but is grateful that flowers bloom
so that fruits may be,
so that the plant may be.


A to Z Challenge: Theme

Some days ago, I signed up for the A to Z Blogging Challenge and since then, I have been trying to come up with a theme that I hope can guide me through the entire process of learning to keep up with a schedule. Initially, I thought of poetry but eventually realized that coming up with good enough verses almost everyday is quite an ambitious goal and is a sure way to failure. So instead, I thought that since that I am new to blogging challenges, why not take baby steps instead and work on an important writing skill that I have not yet mastered — freewriting.

I know, I am strange. Every person who attempts to write always starts with freewriting. But it is something that I could never do — there is always that eyesore grammatical error that I cannot help unsee or that short anecdote that I just needed to add two paragraphs away. Such habits usually disrupt the natural flow of my thoughts, often resulting in a piece that is not exactly as planned. To help myself get rid of distracting writing habits, I will thus devote myself to freewriting for 26 days. But this does not mean that each post I write will go straight for publishing because I will hunt for grammatical errors first and correct them before hitting the publish button. I believe we can all agree that no one likes such mistakes. But apart from that, I swear that all my meandering, unfiltered thoughts will be unedited.

As for the A to Z themes, this science teacher has chosen 26 words related to science. This is in an effort to help me become more comfortable writing about science without feeling like a phony. Here they are:

A for Anthesis

B for Big Bang

C for Commensalism

D for Dark Matter

E for Eclipse

F for Fact

G for Gravity

H for Habitat

I for Inertia

J for Jupiter

K for Kekule

L for Light-year

M for Momentum

N for Nebula

O for Orbit

P for Parallax

Q for Quarks

R for Redshift

S for Supernova

T for Telescope

U for Universe

V for Velocity

W for Wavelength

X for X chromosome

Y for Y chromosome

I may or may not poems for some these but I am not stressing myself too much. I just hope to get through this month. Wish me luck! Please.

A to Z Challenge 2018

I owe you a lot — it has been almost 2 months since my last update about my reading challenge and I have made none about my efforts to live my word of the year. It’s not that I am not trying. In fact, I have been reading quite a lot recently, both local and foreign literature, and I have made arrangements to try out things I never had the guts to try before. Most recent on this list is joining a blogging challenge.


So yeah! I have signed up for the A to Z Challenge which is held every April. For 26 days in April, I will be posting about topics themed starting from A until Z. To further challenge myself, I have been thinking of posting poetry for this challenge although I am not quite sure if that is feasible, considering my hectic work schedule.

So what do you think? Is poetry a feasible way to induct myself to this blogging challenge?

Kapag Trapik

Naaalala kita
sa tuwing nata-trapik ako sa daan.
Naaalala kong ‘di ko namamalayan ang oras
sa tuwing hawak mo ang aking kamay.

Minsan marahan mong hinahaplos ang aking palad,
ngunit madalas ay mahigpit ang iyong kapit
na parang bang ako’y mawawala.

Nami-miss daw ba kita, sabi nila.
Laging oo ang ang sagot ko.

Kung gayo’y bakit daw ako humingi ng kalayaan?
Bakit daw kita pinakawalan.
Laging ewan ang sagot ko.

Ang totoo’y alam ko ang sagot —
ang tagal na nating na-trapik,
hindi na tayo makausad.

Tama lang siguro na bumaba na tayo ng jeep
at hanapin ang kanya-kanyang daan.
Sapat na siguro ang sandali
na minahal natin ang isa’t isa.

Pero oo, nami-miss nga kita,
lalo na kapag ma-trapik.

Salamat ha?
Dahil sa’yo, hindi abala ang trapik.



Here is the proud wall of our family portraits.

As a young adult, I would often sneer at our portraits. How phony, I would murmur to myself.

A few years wiser now, I merely sigh. Finally, I have realized that these portraits truly show what our family is — uncomfortably posed.

TPP2018 #2: Smaller and Smaller Circles

Smaller and Smaller Circles

F.H. Batacan


With years of Robin Cook and Dan Brown behind me, I have recently resolved not to read thriller novels anymore for I find that the action-packed scenes and often frigid characters are not good for a heart that always craves emotional warmth. But I had to make an exception for this one because of all the hype it has been getting, particularly its film adaptation.

Smaller and Smaller Circlesthe first Filipino crime novel, won three awards more than a decade ago — the Carlos Palanca Grand Prize for the English Novel in 1999, the National Book Award in 2002, and the Madrigal-Gonzalez award in 2003. With it being a well-decorated book, one may wonder why it had not earned attention before it hit the screen. Being a lover of the unconventional, I became more interested.

As a crime novel, the author did not disappoint. I am no expert in the thriller genre but it seemed to have the elements commonly present in the few crime novels I have read — the main protagonist has a sidekick and protégé, the murders exhibit a pattern, and the killer kills because of a past that haunts him still. The plot, too, is not obvious and had successfully kept me up for longer hours, even through weeknights.

What sets this novel apart from the ones I have read is that the scenes are less frenetic but more lifelike, stirring in the Filipino reader a more unsettling thrill as it exposes our ignorance of our own reality. For instance, all Filipinos know where and what the Payatas dumpsite is but how many of us are truly aware of the living conditions of its inhabitants? Unlike in other crime novels that created suspense in me through delaying the revelation of a harrowing truth, Smaller and Smaller Circles gradually built both fear and guilt in me instead as it made me realize how oblivious I have been to the actual sorry state of those in the lowest rungs of the social ladder. The novel made me realize my own hypocrisy, something that I hate in others, and it left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth, proving that disgust with one’s self is more chilling than the fear of the unknown.

So would I recommend this book? Definitely! If you are a Filipino who seeks to know the shadowed portions of your society whose cries for help are either unheard or ignored, then Smaller and Smaller Circles is a must-read. It will show you how the poorest and weakest of us manage though each day and how the richest and most powerful of us take advantage of their need, only to push them even deeper down. It will show you how corruption rots the system — particularly in the justice system and even the church. But most importantly, it will show you that despite the continuous and rapid spread of rot, there is hope as long as there are people who are not only brave enough but also keen on destroying it.

However, although Smaller and Smaller Circles is a great read, it is not perfect and there is one thing that I do not like about it — I find the characters underdeveloped. If you are the kind of reader who emotionally invests on characters and reads to watch them grow, then this book is not for you. The characters’ individual stories are half-baked and will leave many questions in the reader’s mind.

What is the story behind Father Lucero’s slight limp? It is made clear that his early years were not happy. How is this relevant to the story?

It was suggested that Father Saenz is adopted. How is this relevant to to story?

And Joanna Bonifacio, why did she choose to love in the side? How is this relevant to the story and her role as the ever inquisitive journalist?

Maybe, and I hope, I was just not sharp enough to see how these stories help weave the entire story. But despite my disappointment with the portrayal of the important characters, it is a consolation that the author painted the serial killer not as a demon but a human — a Filipino, most importantly — victimized by crippling poverty. Alex Carlos is not just an antagonist — he is a warning about the future that awaits us if we continue to ignore the rot.

TPP2018 #1: Candido’s Apocalypse

Candido’s Apocalypse

Nick Joaquin


Last year, I put a halt on my reading to give more time for work. Thus, I currently read at a much slower pace than I used to. To ease reading back into my habits, I decided to start with shorter pieces first and then gradually move on to longer pieces as I gain momentum. Hence, I picked this novella, thinking that if I could finish 83 pages in mere hours back then, then I would probably be able to finish this within 3 days.

Boy, was I wrong — I overestimated myself. Candido’s Apocalypse took me more than a week.

Or maybe, more aptly, I underestimated Nick Joaquin. Because you don’t simply bite off a Nick Joaquin — you take your time chewing on it, trying to sense a hint of sweetness off the bitter taste.

What took me more than a week to finish the novella was my insistence to read it as my teenage self because to be able to understand both Bobby and Candido, you, too, have to revert back to your most tumultuous years.

Candido’s Apocalypse tells of seventeen-year-old Bobby Heredia’s struggle to break free from conformity, which he openly mocks as phony and “overacting”. In his yearning for a rebirth and an identity free from the norms of a pretentious society (as he sees it), Bobby unleashes Candido.

Candido is a grimly special boy — he can see everyone in their filthy nakedness, revealing their clothed secrets and buried pasts. Candido is Bobby, had he been born unmarred by his parents’ pretensions and ambitions. Candido was Bobby, until in the end, he chose not to be.

The theme seems to be really simple — the novella shows the social awakening of an atypical adolescent in a typical society, a story line reminiscent of J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye — and yet it felt unfamiliar. Candido’s uncanny ability stirred in me both fascination and disgust. Although intrigued, I found it too surreal for my taste that I had to keep coming back to past pages, trying to put myself in the shoes of Bobby and Candido. In the end, after much pondering, I did find a glimpse of myself in Bobby and Candido by forcing myself to recall the confused and angry teenage girl who once quietly voiced out some of Bobby’s rants and who seemed to perfectly reflect Candido’s smugness.

Seeing how it ended up with Bobby, Nick Joaquin has got me thinking, Was Bobby right for detaching himself from Candido? Was I right for doing the same thing?