For the past weeks I have been itching to write but I pushed away my notebook, afraid of polluting it with my melancholic musings (just as I did years ago when I was sad teenager). It was my New Year’s Resolution for 2017 to avoid negative thoughts and feelings and I have no intention of breaking it. After all, I deserve to be happy, right?
But I just can’t feel happy right now.
I knew that at some point, the honeymoon stage will end and doubt will come but I never expected it to come this early. I never thought that my students will ever break my heart.
Recently, several students claimed that they have learned nothing from me. It hurt. I am hurting so much that the all the maybes have resurfaced and have now made a monster who nibbles on this passion that I have held on to all my life.
Maybe I really suck at teaching.
Maybe I am not what they need.
Maybe I have been wrong all this time.
Maybe I screwed it all up again.
Maybe mom’s right — maybe, a medical school is where I truly belong.
Or maybe, I should pursue a career in science, just as I was trained to do.
I thought passion and determination was enough. I thought I was enough. But as it turns out, I am not. That hurts when you think you have given all that you can.
Lately, I have been thinking: Should I stay? Do I love them enough to stay?
A stack of books, several piles of newly printed reviewers, an unsorted pile of returned exams, and multi-colored highlighters cover the table. Mid-sentence through the second paragraph of the ten-page essay due tomorrow, she stops typing and goes to bed.
She tucks herself in, chuckling, “Sleep is for the strong!”
Hi! It’s a tad weird, isn’t it, that I’m writing you this rambling letter when we haven’t seen each other for almost five years and haven’t talked for almost seven years. Even weirder, I just realized that in a way, I miss you.
Today had been a rough day for me. Two of my kids (two of my students, I mean) got into a quite messy relationship squabble and dealing with each, sobbing but unapologetic, drained me so much. Trying to reason with 16-year-olds that some of the things they do now may become their future regrets is a pointless case. They are so in love with love just like almost every teenager out there. Just like I was. Just like you were (probably).
As I was scrolling down my feed earlier this night, trying to distract myself from the issue, I saw you instead. The heartbreak of losing a friend and the gnawing feeling that I did something stupid came back. Then I realized, you are one of my regrets.
Do you remember how I would sneak in your room just so I can talk with you? Do you remember when you calmly tried to teach a panicking me how to twirl the baton only a few days before the demo? Do you remember when you used to teach me physics because I was not ashamed to admit to you that I understood zilch in class? Do you remember that I had my first cup of coffee with you and I pretended that I like it strong because I was too lazy to go back and get sugar and cream?
I look back on these memories with a bittersweet smile. If that thing (you know what I mean) did not happen, who do you think we are today? Maybe we could still be the same as we were when we were fourteen — the inseparable twinsies. Or maybe, not inseparable but still good friends, always catching up on each other with a cup of coffee. I truly regret the friends we could have been.
Maybe someday, when we are women enough to actually face each other, we can meet up for coffee. I miss you, L. I really do. And yes, I have forgiven you.
First of all, I want to remind you that it needs time and effort to be able to understand biological concepts. So, if you are aiming to get good marks, do NOT cram. But if you really have a hectic schedule (which is a thing common to biology majors) and cramming is the only choice you have, then the following tips might be able to help you.
- Stay away from distractions. I think this is self-explanatory. Turn off the television. Put away your favorite objects of recreation. Log out from Facebook and other social networking sites. Focus your attention to your studying and nothing else.
- Keep everything you need in your study area. This will save you time and energy from getting up often to find a particular book or to sharpen a broken pencil. Also, keep a water bottle and some food near you in case you get thirsty or hungry.
- Read the lecture notes first before touching the book. A class lecture is usually a mere summary of what is discussed in the book so it will be best to study your notes first as these will give you an overview of the lessons. Having prior knowledge of the topics will give you a better chance of understanding what the book says.
- Do not try to read everything. Remember you have little time to spare so reading and understanding everything will almost be impossible. Instead, get the main idea of every section and make sure you understand all the important concepts, especially the basic ones.
- Take note of the emphasized words. Those words in boldface are boldfaced for a reason. List them down and look up their meanings. These words will be mentioned repeatedly throughout the chapter and sometimes, throughout the book so know them by heart.
- Pay attention to tables, graphs, and pictures. A single figure is a good summary of what may have been discussed in two to three pages. They will save you time and may be easier to recall than the text.
- Answer online self-help quizzes. This will help you give an idea of the type of questions that teachers may formulate. You will also be able to evaluate your knowledge and go back to those sections that you have not yet completely understood. Be careful though for you may be tempted to click on other sites that may divert your attention.
- Get some sleep. Pulling an all-nighter will only make you tired and sleepy on the day of the exam. You will find difficulty in focusing on the questions and you might fall asleep. You do not want to ruin your chances of passing, do you?
- Ditch the coffee. If you really have to stay up late, at least do away with the coffee. Coffee is addictive and you will develop a tolerance for it if you drink it too often. Have a chocolate instead. Chocolate has lesser amounts of caffeine but that will be enough to keep you alert. Besides, who does not want chocolate?
- Listen to your classmates’ discussions before the start of the exam. This is my favorite technique. It will give you a wrap-up and remind you of the things you might have missed. You may also ask your classmates about things you are not sure of. Just hope that they will be willing to help you.
These tips will not guarantee you with a high score. Remember you are just cramming. From the start accept whatever mark you will get. After the exam, start studying for the next. You will need to catch up. And, try your best not to cram again.